


The Unforgiving and Unrelenting Depths of the Internet

by asleepygay



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Basically just crack, Dancing, Gen, Shenanigans, Singing, nothing of any actual literary value in here folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asleepygay/pseuds/asleepygay
Summary: Barry Allen, science nerd, CSI genius, powerful and powerfully loved superhero, is hiding at least a couple more talents from his friends at S.T.A.R. Labs. Or he was, anyway.(a.k.a. Iris West becomes everyone's favorite member of Team Flash and Barry gets shit on for about 2k words.)





	The Unforgiving and Unrelenting Depths of the Internet

**Author's Note:**

> SO guess who just found out that Grant Gustin used to be on Glee?? I had to address it, this information was too fucking good to just let it go. A few things before we begin!
> 
> 1\. there are like 16 reasons why this wouldn't work in flash canon, including but not limited to: audience already knowing where Barry went to high school, timelines regarding Barry's high school years and song release dates not working out at all, that one time in arrow when Barry said he can't dance, etc., etc. but we're gonna ignore all that shit for right now! nobody worry about it!
> 
> 2\. any glee fans, I am real sorry but I do not watch the show, I have no idea what Grant's character was like or what plot lines about him were, this is not in any way, shape, or form a crossover. I am just borrowing some scenes because our boy was in both and I really only care about the flash singing and dancing in high school, yknow? sorry my dudes.
> 
> And finally! A not insignificant amount of homework. for those interested, here are all the videos referenced in this fic, in order of appearance: youtube.com/watch?v=mRqbyeAoljE , youtube.com/watch?v=HmFUaxZadI8 , youtube.com/watch?v=x9M2NfGkXaE , youtube.com/watch?v=zsr1apuCNRA
> 
> what a mess, ok sorry for the long as hell notes. as a final sendoff, I would like to point out that this is almost 2k words of mostly dialogue and absolute bullshit, pls forgive me, I just fuckin had to guys. (also it's unbetad so its probably littered with errors, feel free to point those out to me). please enjoy this complete disaster!

“Hey guys,” Barry slowed to a stop as he entered the cortex at S.T.A.R. Labs. “Got your call, what’s up?” Caitlin, Cisco, and Iris were around the main desk, and all seemed strangely reluctant to look at him. 

“Hey Barry.” Cisco spun around in his chair, arms crossed. “We’re glad you came.”

Caitlin pursed her lips, her eyes wide, and Iris slapped a hand over her mouth, barely smothering an abrupt laugh. So. Something was happening. Which was vaguely disconcerting.

With a caution usually reserved for unpredictable metahumans, Barry stepped slowly up to his friends. “Should I be concerned? ‘Cause I’m a little concerned. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Cisco’s tone was deliberately light and his features formed a neutral mask, which didn’t really support his words at all. “We just wanted to see you. You know, hang out with friends, make the most of the times and experiences we share. Some might say that we want to… live while we’re young.”

There it was again, Caitlin desperately trying to school her features, but this time the smile peeked out a little anyway. Iris fared far worse, half turning away in a weak attempt to hide the amusement breaking out across her face. It didn’t matter anymore though, because Barry was immediately and fully aware of what was happening. Those words were not a coincidence, nor was Cisco’s earlier comment. His eyes widened, mouth slack in horror. Cisco’s careful composure cracked, just slightly. This was about to be so damn bad.

He turned to Iris, pleading, desperate. “Iris? Iris. Please tell me this isn’t happening. You did not do this to me.”

She raised her hands defensively. “I didn’t mean to, I swear. I just came by to get some information for an article I’m writing and, well, we were talking and I might have let something slip.”

“Something completely vital that I cannot believe you didn’t tell us.” Cisco interjected, and Caitlin was nodding seriously to the left of him.

“We’re hurt, Barry.” She would have looked so earnest, if not for the smile still pulling the corners of her lips.

Cisco was fully grinning now, which was a bad sign. “But it’s okay! All is about to be rectified.”

It was then, with his traitorous friends grinning like fiends and Barry half frozen in shock, that Cisco turned back around and pressed the spacebar on his keyboard to wake the large center screen. It faded from black to a fullscreen YouTube video of a stage that was familiar to Barry, occupied by a group of uniformly dressed teenage boys who were very familiar to Barry. His mouth opened in vague sounds of protest, but it was too late. Cisco hit the spacebar again and a much younger Barry Allen stood in a spotlight and began to sing a generally bullshit song from that year’s Top 40. And then the synchronized dancing began. 

Barry groaned in defeat and turned away, only to be immediately hassled by his friends. 

“No, no, turn around, this is my favorite part! Look at those moves, damn!” Cisco was grooving in his seat, pointing at Barry’s every step in the video. On either side of them, Caitlin and Iris were roughly reenacting the awkward arm and leg movements happening onscreen, and when did friendship become synonymous with brutal mockery? “Oh man, and this ending - look at that synchronized head raise, that right there is drama man, you killed it.”

For a brief moment, Barry tried to gain some control over the situation. “My counselor thought the extra curriculars would look good on college applications!” Nobody seemed particularly interested, and Iris rolled her eyes at his feeble attempt. 

Caitlin leaned nearer to the monitor in her enthusiasm, which could not be a good sign in this situation, and exclaimed, “No wait, wait, the other one is better, Cisco pull it up!” 

“No, there are - you have more?” Barry was answered immediately when Cisco tapped at the keyboard, switching to another window that had a second video already loaded up. Caitlin was right, this song was much worse than the last, and the comments started right away.

“So now Barry tell me,” Cisco began, ignoring Barry’s scathing look, “I know that a cappella is supposed to involve vocals replacing all parts of the song, but can you please explain to me what that opening sound is supposed to be?”

Before he could come up with any kind of dignified answer, Caitlin was shushing them, waving at the screen. “This is the best part!” Which is never really a good thing to hear eight seconds into a video. Particularly if the video in question was recently uncovered evidence of a young Barry Allen’s time in show choir. 

To clarify, Barry was not worried about his friends knowing he could sing. It was a rare occurrence to get him outside and into a karaoke bar, but he killed at karaoke and he was not afraid to admit that. No, the real problem here was that his friends saw this particular singing. Most people shy away from the idea of friends finding high school photos on Facebook. Being physically incapable of doing anything by halves, Barry’s friends had to find videos of him performing objectively terrible pop anthems, complete with absurd dance moves and matching blazers. He'd had a great time doing it too, which was another whole thing. A man could hardly be judged on his hobbies in high school! No matter how public and humiliating. There had to be some kind of rule against that, and yet. 

Caitlin emphatically gestured at the spotlight and dramatic zoom on the young Barry as he started his solo.

“I mean, first of all Barry, One Direction is bad enough - you should have known better than to perform any song that starts with ‘Hey, girl,’ you know? But what I really have questions about is this hair. How much gel is in there exactly? You probably kept that brand in business for another year just from this performance! And could you even shower that night, or did the water just slide right off? This is a matter of hygiene now Barry.”

Cisco rolled his chair just slightly closer to them and stage whispered, “And again, dude. These sweet ass dance moves.”

Barry could only watch the screen as the train wreck unfolded, his hand sliding across his jaw and into his hair, if only to hold onto some part of reality. The others continued their jibes and Barry tried to tune them out, but he was pulled forcefully back into the conversation when Iris said, “Those aren’t even as good as some of the dances were.”

His head whipped towards her, warning and panic warping his face. “Iris, don’t. Haven’t you done enough?”

Her lower lip pushed out into a gentle pout, but there was too much amusement in her eyes for Barry to be fooled. “Aw come on, don’t be mad. Just… give me one more chance.” And there it was, her pout dissolving into a mischievous grin and her hands fanning out on either side of in some sort of exaggerated jazz hands motion, perfectly timed to her last words. Barry shook his head, face a picture of pure betrayal.

“Hang on, hang on, what was that? What just happened right there?” Cisco stood, placing himself between the two. 

Before Barry could defend himself, Iris shot him a smug look and said to Cisco and Caitlin, “That was one of the many terrible moves Barry practiced at home for weeks for an in-school performance of the Jackson Five’s ‘I Want You Back’.”

Cisco and Caitlin looked at each other like it was Christmas. “Please Iris,” Cisco turned to address her, hands clasped in front of his heart, “Sweet, sweet Iris, tell me someone recorded that.”

“No, no one recorded any of that performance. Or any of my practicing, right Iris?” Barry’s firm tone was weakened by his desperate expression. She shook her head slowly, and Barry found himself relieved for the first time since he got to the lab. Everyone else looked disappointed, until Iris opened her mouth again.

“Unfortunately, nobody has footage of any of that. But I assure you, it was an incredible thing to behold.” She slowly acted out some weird leg movements and something that was terribly reminiscent of locomotive motions, but somehow even more embarrassing. 

Barry turned his eyes to the ceiling, apparently unable to even look at the room anymore, muttering, “Oh my god, I hate you so much. What are the odds of getting struck by lightening twice, again? Asking for a friend.”

“Now, here’s a good question Barry,” Caitlin stepped forward, a look in her eye that Barry really didn’t like. “Why did you do these terrible dance moves? We all know that you can actually dance quite well.”

Cisco pointed at her enthusiastically. “The lady makes a good point you know, excellent question Dr. Snow.” He returned to lean over the computer once more.

Barry’s eyebrows pulled together, confusion and concern tilting his whole expression. Tilting most of the room actually, for Barry. Really, there was only so much his heart could take. “We - we do? Why do we -” Cisco cut him off with a hand clapped to Barry’s should before he could finish his thought.

“Oh Barry. Ohhh, Barry. You should know by now, if anyone puts anything online I can find it. Anything.” And with that, he turned to the screen once more and pulled up a third, much grainier video. “Now, dude, I know how much you love this movie so really I am psyched that you got to perform it. What a dream come true, am I right?” He rubbed his hands together a little maniacally, suggesting who really got their dream here, and pressed play on the video.

Over a decade old and probably posted by the proud parents of one of the other two kids in the frame, the video showed a high-school-aged Barry Allen and two fellow students singing and tap dancing “Good Morning” from Singin’ in The Rain.

“This is quite a lot of work just for some extra curriculars, Barry. Just saying.” Caitlin tossed over her shoulder, unwilling to look away from the video onscreen, though they had doubtless watched it a dozen times before Barry showed up. He was pretty sure that whoever first said that you couldn’t outrun your problems had never been proved right like this before. Not even the Flash was getting out of this one. 

“Oh my god. I left work for this.” He rounded on Iris, an accusatory finger outstretched, and continued, “And you! I thought I could trust you!”

She crossed her arms and leveled on him a look that had him leaning slightly away from her. “I defy you to stop Cisco Ramon and Caitlin Snow from finding something online once you’ve turned them onto it.”

Cisco gestured vaguely from where he was absorbed in videos of Barry’s past performances. “She’s right.”

“And,” Iris continued, smiling pleasantly, “I refuse to apologize for bringing your talents to light. Especially when some of their applications were so embarrassing.”

Caitlin spoke up this time, but she also hardly turned from the screen to say, “Another good point.”

“I do not have to take this you know.” Barry started to back towards the doorway, away from this fiasco. He was starting to feel like crime would be a gift right now, any excuse to get him out of this room as soon as physically possible. Or sooner, actually, depending on whose definition of ‘physically possible’ he was working with. 

“Yeah, uh huh,” Cisco murmured, before turning to face Barry with an abrupt and complete focus to ask, “Hey, Barry, have you tried tap dancing since you got your powers? How fast do you think you can tap?”

Barry’s hands flew up, exasperated, but everyone seemed to be giving the concept real thought. And sure, he had never considered it, and it would probably be entertaining as hell, but he wasn't about to tell any of them that. He was pretty sure they were all already entertained as hell, whereas he was just in hell. He wasn't about to become a dancing monkey in real time and in videos that would be online forever. “Unbelievable. All of you, just unbelievable. I am going back to work, if you guys don't mind.”

Caitlin looked up at his retreat, calling out before he could speed away, “Wait, Barry! Come back, you have to try! Tap fast for science!”

**Author's Note:**

> anyway. bonus points to anyone who actually read all of the notes at the beginning, and have a musical day y'all.
> 
> EDIT (literally like 6 hours after posting): ok i cannot BELIEVE that i found this video the day i posted this fucking fic but it is too late now, i'm not rewriting this thing. THAT SAID I FOUND SOMETHING Y'ALL GOTTA SEE it is IMPORTANT - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRVxczHSqXc


End file.
